So what do I have to show for 4 completed years?
~more books than I know what to do with
~sleepless nights when I woke in a panic that I am ruining my children's future
~flat-on-my-face prayers for strength and wisdom
~true recognition and acceptance of my girl's strengths and weakness
~humility when I admit that what I am doing is not working
~fear that I am doing it all wrong
~repositioned priorities
~heartbreak from time to time
So why then do I do it?
God asked me to. For some reason, He thinks I can do this. I think He's wrong. I've asked Him to release me from this calling more times than I can count. Yet here I am.
This past week, I ran into Hebrews 3:12 - See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.
I've come to see that I am unbelieving. I don't believe God when He says I can do this, through His strength. I don't believe that He will fill in where I am weak, that He will gloss over my failures, that He will teach my children what I cannot.
So that is my prayer for the year. Help my unbelief. Once again, God, I'm giving this back to you. You asked my to do this. I'm trusting you.
I realize this post makes homeschooling my children seem all heartache and no reward and that is certainly not true. In truth, there is much joy as I get to spend all day with my girls molding and shaping their character, seeing them blossom into beautiful young women, growing in their relationship with the Lord. There is the joy I experience when I see them loving learning and grasping something previously beyond their reach. For the flip side of this angst ridden post, see my other blog.
God is good.
2 comments:
Michelle : I have admired you for some time for what you are doing with the Girls ! You are a great Mom and I believe you are doing a great job. You have such great Girls and I know without a doubt God is very pleased. God in his wisdom knows where you might need help in your teaching of the Girls and will keep his hand on that situation. I am so proud of you and Tim !!....Uncle Kent
You are doing a GREAT job. I think that when you feel like you are good enough and have all the answers, then that is when you have failed or are faltering. Right now, God is getting the glory for the awesome girls you are raising because you truly KNOW that you could never have done it if it weren't for God. So PRAISE GOD!!!!
Post a Comment